Deep-Fried Bacon: Hola, I am Al Pastor, the Christmas Ham

Hola and feliz navidad! I know you have been waiting for the Christmas ham, and here I am! My name is Al Pastor, and as you can see, I am from Mexico. What do you mean I don't look like a Christmas ham? My jokes are excellent!

I was a little bit afraid when I heard about deep-fried bacon. But then, I thought, it's ok, that bacon is no skin off my back! Also, these people, I heard they like to cure meats. But I told them, I'm feeling ok, I don't need to be cured. Plus, I hear a lot about smoked hams, but the last ham I saw that was smoked just got the munchies and ate a bunch of corn.

Ok, ok, enough with the jokes for now, I'm here all night! Don't worry, the 10:00 show is completely different from the 8:00 show. Tip your waitresses!

So aside from me, there was another Christmas ham in the house this year. He was a 10-lb bone-in fresh ham. These guys, they sliced up his outside into that diamond shape you always see on hams, and then soaked him in 6 liters of coke, kosher salt, bay leaves, garlic, and pepper for a day. 6 liters of coke! I guess that's the little piggy that went wee, wee, wee all the way home, if you know what I mean.

At first I was afraid they were going to use me for the ham, but then I realized they were just pulling my leg. Actually, they were pulling another pig's leg! Ha, get it? I kill me.

On Christmas morning, the ham emerged from his salty soda bath, and they dried it off and rubbed him down with some sage, parsley, garlic, and other stuff. It maybe wasn't a smoked ham, but it sure liked the herbs! Come on, you like my jokes. Oh, you don't? You think I'm a boar?

Anyway, during roasting, the ham got glazed with a mixture of apple cider, cloves, and brown sugar. The ham was a magnificent sight to behold and the last time I heard someone enjoy pork so much was Kermit the Frog's wedding night! Sorry, that one wasn't safe for the kiddies. Seriously though, the skin was perfectly crispy, and the meat tender with a subtle hint of the coca cola coming through the other flavors.

Thin slices served atop creamy grits with cheddar cheese and jalapenos and a side of kale and swiss chard braised in apple cider. The tanginess of the apple cider off set the bitterness of the greens.

Freshly baked biscuits finished off the plate - just the thing to sop up any missed bites. These biscuits are fluffy, buttery and an ideal comfort food.

Since there was so much leftover ham, a lot of it made its way to the Jet game, and then there was a dinner of fried eggs and ham over cheddar grit cakes, with some homemade chipotle hot sauce. Man, those Jets, if you're tired of my jokes, you should talk to that Favre guy! I may not know when to quit, but I wouldn't let that guy play with my pigskin no matter what.